it sounds so clique...

i've never wanted to be one of those girls that was so attached to guys, and im glad i'm not, but theres this one guy....

i've known him for a long time and we were really close, and we dated on and off and would still be together if it wasnt for the distance, i think. and i don't know what happened but we're not talking as much and im afraid he got over me and i'm just left here. trying to get over him for so long and nothing's working. i mean, i havn't seen him in over a year. i don't know why i still care. i don't want to. and i don't know what to do.

i hate admitting that i really like a guy. it makes you feel vulnerable, but i've been holding this in and i needed to let it out.

i know everything happens for a reason, but this kinda hurts.

cupcakes and some...interesting things...

yeah, yeah, i know.

it's been QUITE a while. i've just been intensely busy.

i finally got away from the rush of things to speak today(:

ok, so today, me and a group of people from my school went to the Helping Hands Mission, it was SO fun! a lot of times people hear that and go 'oh, that must've been a lot of grungy, boring work, but it wasnt. i mean, it kind of depends on your attitude, but i think it would've been really hard to find something bad in that kind of experience.

at the mission, we bagged clothes for people all over the world, well sort of. there weren't many clothes to bag, they were all already bagged and there were much more than a billion black trash bags full of clothes in a huge room, like the entire room was filled from the floor to the ceiling!

us kids started a sort of assembly line...a couple people would take a bag out, pass it down the line and the people at the end would put it in a shopping kart and the person rolling the kart would drive it outside to the waiting truck!

we had a blast and at the same time helped a bunch of people! in my opinion a lot of people don't help out enough. so many take and take and take from this world, that we forget to give back. while i may never know what it feels like to have nothing, many people have. and it flat out sucks. those people need more than a little money to get back on their feet. they need to know someone actually cares.

so i encourage you to give back in whatever for you find possible. not convienient!

when you help, keep in mind, it's not about you.

ohh boy...

its been so long... school has really got me on the edge, i mean, i've been managing my homework quite well though(: so i want updates!! how is everyone?! you can comment on this post or shoot me an email if you like(: todaysteenblog@me.com im totally open to questions and your opinions about stuff, since iv shared a little about me, my life and views on things, i'd like to know some of what i spark in your imagination lol if i spark anything at all(: im most curious to hear peoples views on high school at the moment..... but anything is cool! so God bless all of you out there in the world who are on the quest that is Life !

the rain in summer

i did the best i could/: it's not the best picture, but i have to say it's pretty spiffy(: i drew that in 7th? grade i think.

i realize recently, that music is a privilege. a gift. a liberty i fear would be very difficult to live without. music, along with all other forms of art (its a longer list than you would assume), is a way of self expression. a way to express emotion. it's the way i often express emotion. it's also a way to speak to people.

you don't always have to have lyrics though, you can use just instruments, any instrument for that matter.

there's a movie coming out, It Might Get Loud, about, 3 guitarists: The Edge(U2), Jimmy Page(Led Zeppelin) , and Jack White(The White Stripes). here's 2 links to where you can watch the trailer(:

http://www.sonyclassics.com/itmightgetloud/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4EvZtsXz7w&fmt=18

my parents are going to an upcoming U2 concert((: so jelous, but they're like my mom's favorite band so i thought she should see them in concert! she told me that she only needed to see them in concert once(: just once and it'd be cool, so i'm excited for her!

so yess. enjoy the liberty that is music. but quality music, music with real meaning. not immature crude music, people, i mean really? we could do so much better.

'oi with the poodles already'

i have nothing to write about. nothing. i mean, if i thought hard enough, i'm sure i could totally scrounge up something real interesting to talk about, something deep. or maybe something that just makes you think....

the title is a quote from Gilmore Girls, one of the greatest shows ever(: sometimes i wish i could live in a small town where everyone knows each other...that'd be fun.

ohh! i think i'll just list random things....

- school is starting monday for me...

- sorta scary, but it's cool, growing up happens eventually

- not sure i wanna grow up

- urg...i just got a text message(:

- so my view on this band The Classic Crime...you need to listen to them. they're my fav band ever and are amazing, lyrically and toneagely(:

- fettucini alfredo, amazing in every possible way(:

- i'm planning on totally not having a job in which you need to do math...i'd get fired the next day.

- maybe that's an exaggeration.

- maybe

- i need band suggestions.

- who shall i listen to.......

- okay, i'm convinced i don't need to date cuz dating is overrated and i shud just live life while i can, but at the same time you begin to miss it...

- i mite just keep you people up to date on my relationship life(;

- well.....

peace people! hope ya'll had a great summer!

looking back on parents...

okay, so me and my mom get along fine most of the time. yes, occasionally we have our disagreements, but if you saw me and my mom together, you'd think she was my best friend. which she is(:

yeah, i am a teenager, and the whole stereotypical picture we all get in our heads when we hear that word is something like....drugs, sex, sneaking out, always texting and on the phone, not having a good relationship with your parents...and so forth. i am glad to say that i have not experienced any of those things. except the whole texting thing and the parents thing.

there was once a time when i despised my parents. we've all been there. i am proud to say that me and my parents are really close. but i've had tons of friends that would say the opposite. considering the fact that a lot of teenagers parents let them do whatever they want because they seem to not care, or don't have the energy to care, those kids got into things they definitely shouldnt have. i look back on those times when i wanted desperately to go places with those kids without parental supervision, and understand how smart my mom was. she saved my butt. and i'm sure she'll be doing a lot more of that in the future too.

the thing is, then, i could see, but not with as much clarity as i can now. not literally but somehow, when i've been made aware, or even when i havent, of someone's situation, i can oftentimes see very in depth from their point of view. my mom tells me it's a gift from God, which i'm sure it is. he's given my mother incredible insight. something very hard to describe, otherwise i would, but i believe she's right. although it can be painful at times, it helps me to understand people.

i had a lot of friends with terrible home lives. they always acted as though it was no big deal, when i could tell from the way they acted and the way they dressed that they were insecure. that they just wanted someone to care about them. not to be put down by their so-called friends. not to be shunned by people.

my 7th grade English teacher was the best. and my classmates made it even more fun. never a boring day in that classroom. what i remember most about that teacher, is that she cared. she cared about what those kids were getting themselves into. she cared about their feelings. if something was wrong, she would ask you. not in front of everyone. and if you didn't want to talk about it, she respected that but let you know she was there all the same.

there were posters all over her walls, but i only remember one. it was something about the fact that you were fighting your own battle, but no matter how hard it was at the moment, you have no right to take it out on anyone else, cause they're fighting a battle to.

that poster was right, is right. we are all fighting battles. you, me, and everyone else.

someone loses everyday.

but you can prevent that.

i know i sound like a commercial, but it's true. i've known kids that have tried to take their own lives. and kids that have. some because they don't fit in. some because theyre picked on every day. some because they feel that no one cares and that no one will listen to them.

parents, i feel, have a roll to play in this. its not they're fault, unless they havnt cared about their kid, but anyway.....when i go to my parents and am feeling alone. i'm not looking for them to get mad and tell me i'm not. i just want them to stand there and listen. let me get everything out. even if i don't mean all of it.

they think they are. and i know they're trying. but they don't. they always fight back. i'm not even trying to fight! i just want someone to listen. so i don't have to hold everything in.

so parents: just listen. if your kid is mad, sad, frustrated. just sit there and let them get everything out, and know that if they say something crazy or really, really mean. they won't mean it in the future.

and kids: be patient with your parents. they're learning(;

i honestly do....

miss a person.

we were really close. in Texas.

i was on one of my old emails, reading through my huge sent folder. i had a lot of emails from him. he said something in a stupid forward, but it made me cry. all those emails made me cry, but i liked this.....

'Love is like writing a book, you start wih a sentence, see where it goes, you get to a page, and it's going good. you get to a chapter, and you see a mistake, then another chapter and a couple more mistakes. The your almost finished, and you get the book edited, so the mistakes aren't there anymore. and it's a wonderful peice of work. but then. it all just comes to it's ultimate end. when you finish it, and you make the last mistake.'

mood rings...

when i was younger, i thought mood rings were the coolest. every time there was one nearby, i'd press my finger hard against the colorful surface and stare in awe as it changed colors. only later did i realize that it was just heat sensitive/: sorry if that ruined any hopes and dreams out there...

i did perhaps learn something about faith. that mood ring told me how i was feeling. and i believed it, even if before i wasnt feeling sad, i would think about something sad. i was being controlled by a puny little ring....yeah, just slightly strange.

only recently did i realize this, but all the same, i let a ring controll my moods as long as i was in possession of it. weird......................

lol yeah, this is a random post, but i feel as though it had to be shared. mood rings are used for mind control.

just so you know...

ohh, people out there...you must listen to this song(i thought it made sense to mention it here(:

Mood Rings by Relient K(an amazing band btw! i saw them in concert and they were RADICAL to a maximum!)

oops...

okay, so if you know me, you know i'm not good with heat. let alone cooking in general. but i've done it before! i mean, putting popcorn in the microwave is NOT that hard, but still, somehow it gets harder when you really have to pee! and i mean it was like a my-bladder-is-about-to-explode kind of pee.

my sister whom me, my friend, and my brother were babysitting wanted some popcorn. my brother and my friend were upstairs and i was downstairs with her. she wanted popcorn. i had to pee, as i said before. i scanned the bag as fast as i could for a number. i will never again just scan a bag of popcorn for a number lol. i shall read the whole bag! i saw the number 3. i did not see the 'less than' before that number.

now, afterwards everyone was just like 'you could have gone to pee before you put it in!' but i'm book smart. not common sense smart, as people like to say. but yeah. i went to pee and when i came out 3 minutes later, there was no popcorn. there was a smoke-filled kitchen and a charred popcorn bag that was seconds away from flames, as i learned later from my mom when she arrived home complaining about the stench/:

it was taken care of lol my favorite part was that we don't have a smoke alarm. he he...probably should get one of those. but yes. it was only a matter of time until i did something that clutzy.

yupp. i almost burnt my house down in just 3 minutes. it takes skill(;

In Wait

this is a little something i came up with while bored today, something i tend to do...

When it rains, it pours
When you’ve settled in that dreary spot
A damp shadow comes
Awaiting your doubtless thoughts to spoil
Wearing you thin as a fear takes grip
It’s fingers wound tightly round your soul
And speaks to you in dreaded whispers
Cold, dark, and old
A musty smell rises in the corner of your mind
Words of which you cannot hide
They burden you with grievous regret
Wherein silent assailants lie in wait
As mystical may be
But bare feet callus and cold hands shiver
As monstrous beasts awake
And the fear that once took hold no longer takes you by the hand
And leads you down dark passages to leave you, left for dead
For now that dread has weakened and departs you with the sweet scent of concurrence
This new disposition as might in you continually grow
To bring hope for battered, bruised, and used hearts whom know no bounds
To love the ground on which we stand
And sing with joyous sounds

i meant this poem to be a symbol of the battle we fight constantly. choosing to either submerge ourself in our negative thoughts, or having the will to see the bright side(:

i wish you all luck in this battle

God bless(:

heads up

hey people, just a heads up.

i changed my name to fit my personality better, but yeah its the only thing that's changed. sorry for any confusion.

lunch break!

finally, a chance to sit in peace and quiet and enjoy a good peanut butter and banana sandwhich, and cheese and crackers, and my mom's friends' salad ;)

okay, so my mom teaches fourth grade, and her school has already started :/ so instead of staying home, like yesterday, i decided to join her in her quest to educate children that don't know the meaning of the word achieve...interesting. like they literally don't! i was talking to my mom and one of her students came up and asked what a goal was...i just watched as my mother explained that a goal was something you want to get done/finish and whatnot. afterwords i told her that achieve was probably the word she was looking for and she replied by telling me that these kids didn't know the meaning of the word. hmm....

oh i am hungry. just felt the need to send a shout out and share that with people(:

ohh, just wondering, what are like your favorite things to eat for lunch? anything interesting that i should maybe try or whatnot?

umm....

i don't know what to call this post really. i was just struck with a feeling of need to post.

a lot of things have been running through my mind lately. things are a little harder than i'd like them to be right now. i guess i should maybe start with my story...i'm going to be very vague, considering i'd like to get to my point. but anyway, i lived here in North Carolina for most of my life, North Carolina was all i knew basically. well, about three years ago, my parents decided to move us to Texas. maybe that's where the Lord was calling us...i don't know. all i know is that that moment when i was informed of this unfortunate event, i was devestated. my oh so fragile heart had been ripped out and thrown to the ground. in a matter of seconds. it was terrifying, exilerating, and devestating. all at the same time. i mean, we all love new things, you know? it would've been an adventure for me if i hadn't been leaving my entire life behind.

i spent two years there with my family. two long, yet short, years. it was hard to get used to, but eventually i pushed all my feelings of loneliness aside and made friends. amazing friends i might say. i still keep in touch with some of them. i think it made me more open to the world in a way. there's something about moving halfway accross the country that makes you feel as though the world is quite larger than you expected.

moving back. boy, was that harder than it sounds. i had lost two years with some of my greatest friends. two years i would never get back. and foolish little me thought that not much had changed. i soon learned that i was so wrong. i mean, honestly, i expected it to be fun. it was on the verge of depressing. and still kind of is. i still miss a lot more than i hoped to. and rebuilding friendships...its been a year since i've been back. and i still feel distant. it's taken quite the toll on me. i still get that left out feeling. i still feel as though i don't belong anywhere. but i don't feel sorry for myself. people everywhere have to go through much much worse.

so i guess my 'point' is that no matter what your situation, it helps a little to aknowledge the good. i mean, at least i have friends. at least i have food, clothes, parents, electricity, my voice. i don't know what i would do if i couldnt sing(:

so no matter your situation, it helps to focus on the ups, and always know, that no matter how clique it sounds, there's always someone out there that loves you when you feel that no one else does.

ahh, children....

sunday afternoon, well about all day, i hung out with my best friend. the bundle of fun i've known since 3 or 4 :) love her! we worked on a couple songs (i sing she plays guitar) and mixed cooking oil and a bunch of other stuff into a cup of water that was just sitting there on the counter waiting for us to make something that smelled absolutely awful! we went over to her house and hung out watching a couple Skit Guys' videos and Edwin's Corner online (check them out! both are hilarifying!!) then got informed that we were to watch our parents' friends kids. oh my gosh so adorable! i was put mostly in charge of the baby, my bff helped me though, THANK GOD. i know babysitting a baby is not even close to actually having one, but my heart goes out to all those moms out there!! my mom said that God makes babies cute so you don't feel like you want to kill them lol. well anyway, the other preschool aged kids were very well behaved. the oldest little girl and her brother just adored their baby brother :) it was the sweetest thing! but that baby, i had to stand and hold him to burp him, and my right side was the only one that really worked for him cause he enjoyed staring at the dog or his siblings or the tv, and he was always moving his head around, so he spit up all over me lol eew gross, but he was cute, though my right arm was so sore after that. when it was time to put him in bed, we changed his diaper and put him in his pjs, which was quite the adventure for me and my friend lol he was busy staring at something and chewing on a toy lol. when we finally got him ready, we carried him up and laid him in his crib. now this baby, he loved being covered up! as soon as i laid the blanket over him his face lit up with a bright, yet toothless smile :) and he cooed at me, just laughing and talking away! the cutest thing. later we went up to check on him, he was like totally laying the opposite way from when we'd put him in and was talking to the wall lol (not like talking talking, but like baby language talking ;]) so cute! the other kids got 30 more minutes than their baby brother, and took total advantage of it too lol they came into the living room and suggested we have a quiet dance party! then we read with them and got them in bed :) and i finally got to eat my dinner, at 8 30. i didn't get to eat when we got there, like everyone else, cause the baby wouldn't let me put him down lol but it was cool, i can deal with cold pizza ;)

Would You Jump?

i was talking about teeth. see, my mom has braces, and i'l probably end up with them at some point too, which is good. i mean, who doesn't want pretty teeth. but the braces aren't just for looks, a lot of times it's to keep your teeth healthy and in line and all that jazz. but anyway, i was thinking about teeth. not just my teeth, but teeth in general. it seems that everywhere i go, there's some model or actor/actress or whatnot, be it on TV or the cover of a magazine, that has no flaws whatsoever. perfect pearly whites, a tan that's just the right shade of gold, luscious hair and all those other things people strive every day to have. i don't understand. where did the idea come from that perfection was essential? why do we need it? if we were all perfect, what would the world be like? there wouldn't be any beauty at all. and beauty, mind you, is not defined by what jean size you happen to be. all around me i see, not only teenagers, but grown people trying to match this invisible, unreachable, standard our society has set for us. tell me, what's the fun in worrying about what the person sitting three tables down from you in the cafe is thinking about your outfit? for the longest time, i felt that i was in a box, on display for those around me to judge, and i was supposed to soak all their opinions in and somehow perfect my image. but nothing ever worked. and i didn't feel free either, i wasn't being myself. i was defining myself by what i did and how i dressed to follow the crowd. not fun at all. i know you've heard that old clique question that your mom would always ask you when you wanted to go out with your friends when you knew, as well as she did, that they weren't going to be doing something that would make you very proud. if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too? well, would you? it happens every day. every day, someone somewhere chooses to jump. i've jumped, and i always seemed to find myself landing right back into that box. the box i couldn't seem to fit in. the box i began to hate just as much as i hated myself for jumping. but then i asked myself 'why'. why did i jump? was it to somehow feel accepted? and then it occurred to me, yeah. everyone wants acceptance. but, maybe that's not it. maybe the truth is no one's going to feel accepted because no one is the same, and us humans can't seem to accept people for who they are. there's no one in the world just like you, or just like me. which means differences are inevitable. the key is to just enjoy being you for as long as you can, cause life is short and living your life in a box? i mean, really? who wants to be stuffed into a box anyway?

The First Post

this is a blog. a blog not only for teen stuff, but for everyday life. i'm here to reach out into the world and voice my opinions, answer questions as best i can, suggest music, books, ideas...anything. no, i don't have all the answers, but i do know someone who does. yeah, i'm a christian. and if you're not, don't let this push you away. we're not much different; just searching for answers.