a lot of things have been running through my mind lately. things are a little harder than i'd like them to be right now. i guess i should maybe start with my story...i'm going to be very vague, considering i'd like to get to my point. but anyway, i lived here in North Carolina for most of my life, North Carolina was all i knew basically. well, about three years ago, my parents decided to move us to Texas. maybe that's where the Lord was calling us...i don't know. all i know is that that moment when i was informed of this unfortunate event, i was devestated. my oh so fragile heart had been ripped out and thrown to the ground. in a matter of seconds. it was terrifying, exilerating, and devestating. all at the same time. i mean, we all love new things, you know? it would've been an adventure for me if i hadn't been leaving my entire life behind.
i spent two years there with my family. two long, yet short, years. it was hard to get used to, but eventually i pushed all my feelings of loneliness aside and made friends. amazing friends i might say. i still keep in touch with some of them. i think it made me more open to the world in a way. there's something about moving halfway accross the country that makes you feel as though the world is quite larger than you expected.
moving back. boy, was that harder than it sounds. i had lost two years with some of my greatest friends. two years i would never get back. and foolish little me thought that not much had changed. i soon learned that i was so wrong. i mean, honestly, i expected it to be fun. it was on the verge of depressing. and still kind of is. i still miss a lot more than i hoped to. and rebuilding friendships...its been a year since i've been back. and i still feel distant. it's taken quite the toll on me. i still get that left out feeling. i still feel as though i don't belong anywhere. but i don't feel sorry for myself. people everywhere have to go through much much worse.
so i guess my 'point' is that no matter what your situation, it helps a little to aknowledge the good. i mean, at least i have friends. at least i have food, clothes, parents, electricity, my voice. i don't know what i would do if i couldnt sing(:
so no matter your situation, it helps to focus on the ups, and always know, that no matter how clique it sounds, there's always someone out there that loves you when you feel that no one else does.
So sorry you went through such a rough patch. If nothing else, it helped you see the upside of thinking positive.
ReplyDeleteMay I put you on my prayer list? :)
ReplyDeleteDo keep blogging. Writing can be a really good way of working through emotions and things. And when your real-life friends are being complicated, it's good to have another network, even if it's a small one. *hugs*
Interesting site..I'll be coming back
ReplyDeleteI can definitely identify with moving away, albeit on a much smaller scale. Even that was pretty hard. Moving back, though, that's unimaginable. I'm sure things will get easier for you eventually, though; they almost always do.
ReplyDelete